MIAMI-Deep beneath the California desert, 44-year-old Terry Pearson’s body lies suspended in a cryogenic stasis. Like the hundreds of others housed in cryotubes around him, he waits for technology to bring him back to life.
There is, however, one key difference: Terry Pearson doesn’t want to live forever.
He wants a larger penis.
For nearly thirty years he struggled with small penis syndrome–a common but often false belief that one doesn’t measure up. Symptoms include crippling anxiety, depression, and a loss of sexual confidence.
Pearson, a licensed physical therapist, mastered meeting and attracting women, and he was able to form strong emotional connections. He was also hiding a terrible insecurity.
Small Size, Big Trouble
“Whenever I slept with a woman I could see the disappointment on her face. I swear some of them were even having to stop themselves from laughing,” Pearson told the Jest in an exclusive interview last month.
While close friends told him he was simply being paranoid, he claimed his relationships immediately soured after intimacy.
“It just happened too many times to be a coincidence. I always grilled the women about it afterward. I’d call and question them for hours, sometimes even days, and they always denied it, but their behavior spoke volumes.”
Pearson says the trouble first began in high school when he confided his worry to several friends. That only earned him the nickname No. 2 Pencil Dick. He says he learned to shut off his emotions after that and had difficulty opening up to anyone.
He met Kristen, the woman of his dreams, two years ago, but says he delayed escalating their relationship to a physical level. Eventually he broke down in tears and confessed.
“Two days later she texted me and said she needed to find herself. I never heard from her again.”
He soon entered a downward spiral of depression and anxiety. He quit showing up to work, and locked himself into his one-bedroom apartment for over a month, during which he did nothing but drink whiskey and take penis enlargement pills. When that didn’t work, he turned to pumps, home-made remedies, and penis enlarging exercises. He stopped short of surgery due to the horror stories he had read online.
Pearson spent over $5,000 and had nothing to show for it.
When his career began to suffer, he knew it was time to seek help.
“My co-workers knew something was wrong and had a sort of makeshift intervention.”
Pearson’s boss referred him to a psychiatrist, and he tried several months of cognitive behavioral therapy.
He was disappointed in the results.
“The therapist kept trying to tell me to focus on what I could control. And I was like, ‘That’s the problem!'”
Cryogenics
Pearson was on the verge of suicide after watching a pornographic film but found unexpected hope through his work. The big moment came during a convention in Las Vegas.
“My boss had us attend this seminar on cryogenics. I thought it was silly, but that day changed my life.”
The president of CryoHealth, a small technology company based in Los Angeles, was promising immortality to future clients and investors. For $250,000, a person could freeze their body at death in the hope that future technology would allow scientists to resurrect them.
Pearson was skeptical at first.
“I’ll admit, it was interesting, but I didn’t take it seriously. But we had drinks later that night and it occurred to me that if one day they can cure heart disease and cancer, then surely they can increase penis size.”
His logic was simple. In order to bring someone back from the dead, scientists would have to develop ways to repair all of the tissue damage in the brain and body. He realized that repairing tissue and altering its size weren’t that far apart.
He became obsessed with cryogenics, and spent months researching the potential applications.
“Stem cells, reverse aging, and gene therapies will change everything. I’ll be able to walk into a clinic one afternoon and come out 30 minutes later like a porn star.”
Within three months of the conference Pearson liquidated all of his assets, including his 401k. He then sold his home and put all of his money into a CryoHealth account. The company was now contractually obligated to freeze his body at death.
And then, in a bold and shocking move, Pearson walked into CryoHealth’s corporate headquarters and slit his own throat in the lobby. He reportedly told the front desk clerk, “Forgive me, but I can’t wait until I’m old.”
He was pronounced dead minutes later, and CryoHealth’s technicians, as required, rushed his body into their labs and induced a cryogenic suspension at freezing temperatures.
A representative for the company condemned his actions but said his close proximity to their equipment at the time of death actually increases his chances of revival in the future.
The Clock is Ticking
Pearson’s friends and family were disappointed but not surprised by his decision.
“I knew he would go and do something crazy like this,” said his brother, Billy Pearson. “I’ll never see him again. If he comes back, I hope all those dates in the future are worth it.”
Cryogenic suspension remains a speculative play. While thousands of people have already registered for the process, mainstream science regards it as pseudoscience. Nevertheless, the prospect of immortality is too alluring for many.
For Pearson, the gamble is even greater, as he willingly forfeited decades of his natural lifespan. Only time will tell if science can provide him the dating life he always wanted.
I wouldn’t sleep with somebody who’s not a real man either. Good on his girlfriend.