NEWARK, N.J.–Back in March the Jest reported on a story about a manager who was concerned that his employees were too happy working from home during the COVID-19 shutdown.
We have now learned that, beginning September 21st, Greg Harrington–manager of operations at Lindsfield & Tyler Communications–will force his employees back into their cubicles through virtual reality headsets.
The headsets will use software to fully simulate a cubicle environment regardless of the user’s actual location. In addition, the technology allows Harrington to see users’ points of view or to appear on the screen at will and speak directly with them.
The feed will only shut off by request during work hours, i.e., bathroom breaks, lunch, and special situations.
Micromanaging Gone Wild
Outraged employees call the new policy “micromanaging on steroids,” an invasion of privacy, and possibly even illegal.
“I don’t want my boss seeing everything I see and tracking my every movement. Especially when I’m at home. That sounds like something out of 1984,” said Amanda Sellers, who works in data entry.
But Harrington makes no apologies and said the technology will only be used to increase work efficiency.
“I am a firm believer in what I call productive work psychology. And that just means that a happy employee is a less productive employee. I have no issue with you being happy outside of work. But the office was not designed to be your Prozac.”
Harrington claims that happy employees are prone to check Facebook, text friends, or discuss the latest Netflix show.
“They want to start acting like they’re at a party, and that usually involves socializing. So what we do is use the brain’s natural tendency against itself to create more efficiency.”
A Personal Mission
According to Sellers, Harrington has always been difficult to work for, but she claims he grew almost tyrannical after the shutdown.
“He just completely lost it when the firm’s owner let us work from home. He started accusing everyone of watching Netflix or doing laundry during work hours. Any time we didn’t meet a goal he accused us of watching Netflix. But most of that was due to the shutdown.”
“He was particularly obsessed with Netflix,” said another employee, who asked to remain anonymous. “Any time I didn’t respond to his IMs within seconds he would type ‘are you watching Netflix?’ He would just keep typing that over and over until you responded.'”
Others reported a similar experience.
A now former employee, who quit last week, said Harrington initially required spyware installed on computers and would randomly check in through webcams. “It was crazy. He was obsessed with making sure we never left our screens.”
Harrington even ordered specialized chairs and shipped them to their home addresses. The seats had pressure sensors and notified him each time someone stood.
A New Reality
“The headsets though. That’s taking it to a whole new level,” said Sellers. “I knew he wasn’t going to rest until he did something like this.”
The mother of two says working from home helped lift her out of a long depression. “My life felt meaningless. Going in to an office every day, staring at a cubicle wall, and then just repeating it. I barely even saw my family.”
But Harrington’s new headsets will essentially place her back in her cubicle. He even used 3D cameras to replicate each employee’s workspace at the office.
“When they look around they will see their cubicles. They’ll see a monitor in front of them, and they’ll hear specialized audio that will replicate an office environment. The only thing missing is haptic feedback to replicate the touch and feel of their old environments, and we are even working on that too.”
While four employees have already quit over the new protocol, most can’t afford to. For now, they are begrudgingly accepting the fact that working from home won’t provide the same level of satisfaction to which they are accustomed.
As Sellers put it: “At this point I’m actually looking forward to returning to the office.”
That, at least, should make Harrington happy.
