A Wyoming man dying of pancreatic cancer told friends on Saturday that the secret of life is to work more and spend less time with family. Virgil Northren, 72, says he didn’t realize this truth until the end.
“I gave my life to my wife and children. I sacrificed promotions and relationships because I didn’t want to look back and say I neglected them for a career I hated. But that’s exactly what I should have done.”
A Life Wasted
Northren worked for a chemical plant for forty years. He says he made a commitment to his wife and three sons and avoided numerous opportunities to be the father and husband they deserved. While his friends took promotions and doubled or even tripled their incomes, he believed family was more important in the long run.
“I always thought there was this balance. For me, 40 hours of work a week was enough. Any more would come at my family’s expense. But that’s the irony of life, isn’t it? Once you realize the truth it’s too late.”
Northren’s wife later had an affair with his best friend, who had taken the very promotion he declined, leading to a nasty divorce in 1998.
“If I’d taken that promotion I’d have worked longer hours, but I’d have been more confident and wealthier. In the end, that was exactly the type of man Phyllis wanted,” said Northren.
To make matters worse, his relationship with his children deteriorated as well. “I used to justify it by saying that at least I was there for my kids when they were growing up. But they’re a bunch of selfish little shits. I haven’t seen them in years. They’ll call occasionally out of obligation, but that’s about it.”
Parting Advice
Northren, who is now in hospice care after multiple failed rounds of radiation and chemotherapy, realizes his advice is unconventional:
“I know you’ll hear the opposite of what I’m saying, but in the end people let you down. If I’d become wealthier and learned leadership skills I’d have opened up untold opportunities in my life. Instead, I wasted it on people who gave me nothing in return.”
Northren says he would give anything for a do-over. His final advice for young people is to not believe everything you’re told.
“People will disappoint you,” he said, “but your achievements won’t.”
