Famed Woodsman to Hunt Bigfoot

WEST PRAIRIE, Ark–Award winning hunter Joe Keaton, Jr. has vowed to kill the legendary creature known as Bigfoot after a string of maulings and break-ins, and one grainy photograph, has left a small town with more questions than answers.

The trouble began three years ago when 18-year-old Ricky Sawyer was found slain on the edge of the woods east of West Prairie, a sleepy town in northeastern Arkansas with a population of 876. Authorities were unable to identify the animal behind the attack, but locals had their suspicions.

Sawyer’s body was covered in unidentifiable claw marks, but local taxidermist James Tillman had seen them before. “I seen them, in ’86, by a man that was attacked by a Sasquatch. It left the exact same markings.”

Three weeks prior to the attack two young girls claimed they spotted a large, hairy beast roaming the edge of those same woods. The girls screamed and ran for help, but their parents were unable to find the creature they described.

But after Sawyer’s death a series of shop and home break-ins on the edge of town raised eyebrows.

“They broke in but didn’t take nothing, just some deer jerky out of the refrigerator,” said one local.

But the big break came a week later, when a shop security camera snapped a grainy photo of what appeared to be a large, ape-like creature.

“It’s hard to make out but it’s him,” said Gary Taylor, the shop’s owner. “And now we know what killed that boy.”

A Hero Rises

For one man, that photograph sparked a call to action.

Joe Keaton, Jr., known locally as the Trigger of the South, is something of a legend himself in rural Arkansas. He has won the Triple Trophy Award (for killing at least one deer each season using each of the three legal methods–modern firearms, muzzle loading rifle or pistol, and archery/crossbow tackle) every year since its inception and has broken multiple records for duck hunting and fishing.

He has won three duck call championships and holds the state deer hunting record for total rack score.

Joe’s brother, Darrell, described his reaction to the photograph. “That dead boy was weighing on him, and he’d suspected there was a Bigfoot in the area for some time. When he seen Gary’s picture it confirmed it, and he knew he was the only man that could kill it.”

A History of Sightings

Indeed, Bigfoot sightings go back decades in West Prairie. The first on record dates to 1912, when a timber cutter claimed he was attacked by the creature. The story wasn’t widely believed, but it did lay the groundwork for future events. Over the next thirty years locals would occasionally claim to spot the giant ape-like creature. Sometimes it would stare, almost curiously, from a distance, and sometimes it would attack.

In 1968 a farmer claimed he was attacked in the woods and barely escaped. The marks on his chest were examined but their origins were inconclusive. But the sightings continued, the most famous from two years ago, when a bus driver claimed he saw a large beast cross a gravel road late one night when he was driving the basketball team home from an away game.

Bigfoot refers to a creature many believe is a missing link between human and ape. The myth exists in cultures across the world, including the Yeti in Asia, Sasquatch, and the Fouke Monster in Arkansas.

A Town United

The Jest visited West Prairie earlier this week, and the townsfolk agreed that Keaton is the man for the job.

“He might talk big but he can back it up big too. If it moves, he can kill it.”

Lester Jackson, Bait Shop Owner

“When my kids ask me what it means to be a man, I point to Joe Keaton.

Barbara Manning, Substitute Teacher

“There’s regular men, and then there’s Joe Keaton, Jr.”

Terry Williams, Truck Driver

Keaton himself granted us a short interview, where he said he feels duty-bound to protect his homeland. “It’s gonna have to get got before another of them kids ends up dead. I heard people say it’s just trying to survive, but that won’t be a problem when I get done with it.”

Keaton said he planned to enter the woods next week and would not return without Bigfoot’s body.

Some, however, do not support killing the beast. “I think it needs to be studied,” said one local. “There’s no telling what we can learn from it science-wise.”

But when asked what he planned to do if he found Bigfoot, Keaton did not mince words:

“I’m going to kill the son of a bitch.”

Keaton will enter the woods on Friday morning with his hunting gear and a body bag. Six local churches have agreed to conduct a group blessing on Sunday, and many have vowed to wait outside the woods, next to his F-150, until he returns.